Thursday, January 2, 2014

Fat Boy On A Diet


I got this stupid Trade Show every year in March. It's actually a really nice trade show, as far as Trade Shows go. I have been to about eight of them over the past five years. Trade Shows can either go exceptionally well, or horribly wrong. It depends on the crowd, the agenda, and the location, just as examples. 

None of that is really important to the context of this post. What is important is that twice a year, I need to haul myself to some far-away city and try and squeeze my fat ass into my fancy work clothes for four days. You see, I don't wear fancy work clothes to work everyday. I wear whatever the hell I want. 

Years ago, when I lost all of my weight - close to 60 lbs back in 2001/20012 - I made a vow to myself that I would never go back to buying "fat clothes." Once I could fit into size 33/34 pants, I donated all of my "fat clothes" to Good Will. And I swore to myself that I would never look back. 

If you have never had the experience of trying to fit into clothes that clearly do not fit you, it's extremely uncomfortably and downright demoralizing. Trying to suck in your stomach to button your pants really drives home the reality that you NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. Bear in mind that I am wearing these clothes for eight hours at clip. 

About three years ago, I went to one of the shows and had to squeeze into some pants that clearly didnt fit me. Luckily, my room wasn't too far from the Exhibit Hall, and there's alot of down time between sessions, so I could sneak off to my room and change clothes. I was like the Lady Gaga of Trade Shows. I'd come back to my room, get changed into my "street" clothes and then get back into my work clothes for the next session. A pain in the ass, yes, but worth the effort relative to walking around with pants up your ass.

I had to break my vow once in the past five years. I broke down two years ago and went out and bought two pairs of pants the night before the show. That was probably as demoralizing if not more demoralizing then trying to fit into too-tight pants. I was actually "in between" sizes so the logical thing to do was to fill in the gap as best as I could, so I immediately came home after that shopping trip and ate 6 donuts. Like my old man used to say - GO BIG OR GO HOME.

So getting to the point, I am about 3 months away from the next one. I guess who ain't gonna be fitting into his fancy pants any time in the near future?  In my defense, the very next show, six months later, I was able to get into those motherf*ckin' pants because my fat ass lost 25 lbs going into that show, roughly this same time of year. So this is a good time of year for me. 

Christ, I have such a hard time with diets. Not so much the dieting part, but getting started. Once I get into the groove, I am a man on fire. I am like a fat kid at buffet. There's no stopping me. 

I gotta lose 25lbs. I am at 188. Whoa. 

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